8 Second Reviews

The Motorcycle Diaries

Che Guevara lead one of the most exciting and iconic lives of any rebel leader since Luke Skywalker. This movie is a collection of the most boring and scenic moments from that life. I fell asleep three times before I finally got through it. It took 7 hours. It was beautiful.

Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story

This is a story! But it's also a documentary! But it's also a Mockumentary! But it's also a behind the scenes! But it's also a... hey, I can't feel the right side of my body! My arm really hurts! Hey, I think I am having a stroke! God damn you Steve Coogan!

Lolita

Ever see a young girl walking down the street, or eating in a cafe, or reclinging seductively on a lawn and think I WANT I WANT I WANT, I NEED I NEED I NEED, GIMME GIMME GIMME. Well this movie is what would happen if you acted on that you perv. Good cautionary tale. Hands off.

You know who has had a nice career?

Peter Riegert. He was so likeable in Animal House that he just got work for the rest of his life. And he does a good job everytime. I imagine when he was young he might have had dreams of being a super star, but as he went along in the industry, he would have seen his contemporarites struggle beneath their fame. And it's not like people didn't know who he was, they still approached him, frat dudes always bought him shots. He gets to play wonderful roles in movies that hardly anyone sees like the lead role in "Crossing Delancey" and the cop from "The Mask". Then he lands a sweet job on The Sopranos that'll take care of him till his days diminish. And he's good too. So he lives a great life with great rolls, but none of the BS that comes with being a super star. Peter Riegert, we salute you.

Robert Altman talks with the casting director

"I think we should cast that Lindsay Lohan girl."
"Bob, this movie is an all star cast made up of people who either have won Oscars  or should have. Why would we cast some ditzy bubblegum actress in this thing?"
"Who's Robert Altman here, you or me?"
"You are."
"Did you make MASH?"
"No."
"Did you make... what else have I made?"
"Shortcuts, The Player, Gosford Park..."
"I made The Player?"
"Yeah."
"That was pretty good. See? Now call up Lindsay Lohan and tell her to wear something... cut off."

A Prairie Home Companion

Don't let the fact that Garrison Keiler's head looks like a turtle's, this is a fine movie with some fine ssingin and some fine actin and also Lindsay Lohan. you can't blame Bob Altman for getting his last kicks in.

Rosemary's Baby

Mia Farrow plays Rosemary, the stupidest pregnant woman in the world. If you're carrying the devil's kid, can't you tell by the horns and the hoofs digging into your uterus?

What the Bleep Do We Know?

Yikes. Some interesting moments but overall this has that creepy feel of some one trying to sell you a book at the airport. Plus, these concepts aren’t even THAT mind blowing. As one of my friends said about it, “We talk about crap like that for breakfast.”

Being There

Peter Sellers decided the best way to cap his wonderful comedy career was to play a retard that becomes president. Even though that sounds funny, it really isn’t. Well maybe just a little. This movie led P. Bush to try to walk on water.

History of Violence

I saw this a long time ago, but between the sex on the stairs, the guy with no face and the guy who plays his brother, this was one of my favorite movies ever. Also I like how people who came to see an action movie got all creeped out and wet themselves in the theater.