Some time ago I posted on this site about my fear of the rapid increase in finger cancer. The response has been overwhelming.
As you'll see here I am now the number one hit when some one googles the words "finger cancer". And that's something I am proud of and that I would like to maintain.
I have been doing more research on finger cancer especially as it relates to track pads. Here are some facts.
- Of all the fingers susceptable to cancer, the middle finger of the right hand is number one. (This makes sense because it is the most prominent finger on the most prminent hand). Feel yours right now. Does it feel tingly? Check out the next bullet point.
- The "tingly" sensation experienced by many laptop users (the number one group for track pad use) has been show to have some correspondence with abnormalcell growth. That is to say that tingle might be your cells mutating into a tiny tumor thanks to your iBook.
- While tests on finger cancer are still not conclusive, it is clear that laptops on the actual lap have a strong connection to testicular cancer, prostate cancer, impotence strokes and in some cases insanity. This is bad. Seriously, get a towel, maybe a bulletproof vest and put it over your junk. If we don't we might end up like that Clive Owen movie that is coming out where women can't get pregnant. It looks good. I like Clive Owen.
- Cancer of the finger is not a joke. Even though it seems like a strange place to get cancer, and having it on your finger tips would make you look like ET, which is both cool and scary, that doesn't mean we should all sit around and laugh about it. Soon, very soon, you'll be seeing people your own age with segments of their fingers cut off. They'll look like the closing cast of Flags of Our Fathers, fingers gone to the knuckle, to the palm. You'll see these stubby freaks and you'll remember. You'll remeber who said it first.
- Finger Cancer.
Happy Halloween from the daily kirk.