The Daily Kirk

Utah Revisited

So when I said I would change the quote right when I got home, I meant a few days after. It’s hard to hit the ground running from a red eye.

It was sad to see John drive off with the scooter he had lent me a few days earlier. Truth be told, I was always a little terrified on that thing, but SLC can be a terrifying city.

 

Utah! You were a gem! And to each of you who were able to share a sacred or profane moment or two with me, well golly darn, thanks for the life juice.

A special shout out to my beautiful sister and her distinguished husband, and congrats on their recent nuptials.  Stand up pair those two. No joke.

And to all the ladies who I bumped into while a-wonderin’, you’re welcome.

PS i forgot to take many pictures besides this beauty so send me a few if you have em.

Never Slow Down. YOU HEAR ME SLC! I'LL DRIVE THIS SCOOTER RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!

I am on the road, so TDK is gonna be erratic for a while. I know, it is screwing your life up and I am sorry for that.

I am roaming around SLC, loving, learning, and riding a gay little scooter. I look fluggin sweet on this scooter. (There is also this weird phenom happening whenever I get on the scooter it starts snowing WITHOUT FAIL so far!) Scooters. They are the future.

I want to change that quote at the top of the new greeny TDK layout (does anyone like this by the way? i was going to ask, but realized I didn't really care) every now and again and as soon as I get back to my computer in BK I am going to put this quote up there:

"Stop in one place too long, you freeze up. Freeze up, you're done for."
-- Arthur Winston, the employee of the century, died 2 years and 4 days ago.

Don't worry Arthur, I aint slowing down. I am rolling my little scooter of love up and down the blvd.s ln.s and st.s passing out love like hits of brown acid at woodstock. Take it while the gettin's good SLC, cause I aint slowin' down.

Hey animals! Cool it Ok? We're sooooooo impressed.

Hey animals, so you got all these sweet talents like you can fly and swim and shoot fetid liquids out of your various glands to ward off predators. Why don't you lay off the human talents for a while? Are you trying to get on the next reality show and get an agent and possibly marry Rebecca Usedtobe Stamos? FRAG! Oh and by the way, way to take it easy on your ass in that painting you delusional self obsessed pack-i-dick, Imean derm (I really meant dick).

PS If that video turns out to be fake, which i give it like a 50 percent chance of doing so, I still hate animals.

I think it should be illegal

I think it should illegal for people who can speak and hear normally to use sign language without saying what it is they are signing. I know this prig-stick siting across the row from me is signing about me and I am about to break his loudmouth fingers.

PS How do you like the phrase "prig-stick" as a substitute for the already weary "douche-bag"?

Other ideas:
Scrote-wrangler
Dock-master
Sargeant Filch
Dick York

Oh crap my plane is boarding. See you in SLC suckers!

A pocket full of horses

Brad Neely!
Washington!
Here! Now!
Screw you Spike and Mike!

George Washington
Uploaded by NeelyComics

Wiki-poll-ia

Interesting little diddy I picked up today:

There seems to be a direct correlation between the amount of time it takes a scurulous statement to be taken off a candidates Wikipedia page and the level of support for that candidate.

I heard this on On The Media, one of my drier podcast indulgences. It was reported that as Gulianni's campaign declined in popularity so did the time biting and untrue comments could hang out on his wiki.

Right now the average time for such a comment on Hilary's page is 4 hours. For Obama? 3 minutes.

EVE FAIRBANKS: Schilling, the guy who watches the Hillary page, he noted that right when Rudy Giuliani's candidacy started to go into decline, so did his Wikipedia page.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: In fact, you tried a little experiment, didn't you? You introduced material into each of those pages.

EVE FAIRBANKS: I said that Hillary, even with superdelegates, didn't have much of a chance any more, and I wrote that Obama was starting to lose some white support in recent primaries, like Mississippi.

And on Hillary's page it sat there for something like four hours, but somebody came onto the Obama page, I think, in under three minutes, protested my edit and just removed it – you know, not relevant.

I wonder if some sort of system could be developed that used wiki-lurker veracity to potential for winning an election.

Either way, Hillary, you're done son.

Happy Sunday Everyone

Man, I am excited for this week on TDK. I wrote some really weird stuff that I am half excited half terrified to post, but it should make for riveting blogging.

I had an idea that i want to start posting an album every Sunday. That way you can download it, load it up and have a spot of new music to listen to for the upcoming week. This week i am going to post one of my all time favorite albums:

The Mountain Goats-Live at the MoFo Festival in Paris

Those who have ever had the ill fortune of riding in a car where I controlled the radio know I love The Mountain Goats. I discovered them about the time I started to get shaky on the mormon church and I am willing to admit I probably refocused an unhealthy amount of my previous religious fervor into this little one man band.

Over the years I have made several compilations for people trying to find the best way to introduce John Darnielle's inspired lyrical prowess. Problem is, dude has like 600 songs and counting, which span a 10 year career. Some of them are low fi numbers recorded on a boombox, others are full studio albums featuring cellos and shit like that. And some only exist in the form of live recordings.

I have recently decided this album should be the Mountain Goats starter kit. Not only because it is a great cross sections of songs each performed with John's trade marked on stage hysteria, but also because it introduces another amazing aspect of the goats: best rock talk ever.

Even if you are already a Goat Head, you will love this album.

It has the best version of Source Decay i have ever heard (listen to how his emotion overloads on the third verse and leads into the best screamed "I remember the train headed south out of Bangkok down towards the water" ever committed to proverbial wax).

There is the best recording of the uber-rare "You're in Maya" whose Gaelic chorus is one of the best drinking tunes to which i have ever gulped a whiskey.

It has one of the first recordings of the super-hit "No Children" and you can tell he isn't used to playing it which makes it endearing.

Plus it is full of great quotes like "This is a song about Alcohol and the ways it can bring a relationship to a place it mightn't have gone before. A bad place, but a place it mightn't have gone before."

The album ends with a transcendent version of the encore favorite "Going to Georgia": The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it's you! and that you're standing in the doorway!

Oh man, I can't tell you how many times this album has run its tongue over my ear nubs. i can't wait for you all to hear it.

They call him Brother Snoop

So in case you didn't hear, Snoop Dogg joined the Mormon church. I know, all of ou prayers have been answered. Read the whole article.

Make sure not to misss the link to pictures of him playing Church basketball in the very bottom right hand corner.

UPDATE

That site was a practical joke. It fooled me so I thought it would be fun to fool some others, but it has been taken down. So to make up for it i bring you some non-joke snoop news.

I know have been in this guy's corner, but if Snoop doesn't like him, can I really ever get behind him?

More on the bat boys

my future wife and the song she will sing at our wedding

IWRESTLEDABEARONCE will not be for everyone. In fact most of you will probably not get through the first few seconds of the song. But if you do, you will see something special. Hardcore that doesn't take itself too seriously is free to do whatever it wants. And if it wants to blow the roof off your ass, well you better just watch out: