Finger Cancer: The boney pointer of death.

Some time ago I posted on this site about my fear of the rapid increase in finger cancer.  The response has been overwhelming.

As you'll see here I am now the number one hit when some one googles the words "finger cancer". And that's something I am proud of and that I would like to maintain.

I have been doing more research on finger cancer especially as it relates to track pads. Here are some facts.

• Of all the fingers susceptable to cancer, the middle finger of the right hand is number one. (This makes sense because it is the most prominent finger on the most prminent hand). Feel yours right now. Does it feel tingly? Check out the next bullet point.
• The "tingly" sensation experienced by many laptop users (the number one group for track pad use) has been show to have some correspondence with abnormalcell growth. That is to say that tingle might be your cells mutating into a tiny tumor thanks to your iBook.
• While tests on finger cancer are still not conclusive, it is clear that laptops on the actual lap have a strong connection to testicular cancer, prostate cancer, impotence strokes and in some cases insanity. This is bad. Seriously, get a towel, maybe a bulletproof vest and put it over your junk. If we don't we might end up like that Clive Owen movie that is coming out where women can't get pregnant. It looks good. I like Clive Owen.
• Cancer of the finger is not a joke. Even though it seems like a strange place to get cancer, and having it on your finger tips would make you look like ET, which is both cool and scary, that doesn't mean we should all sit around and laugh about it. Soon, very soon, you'll be seeing people your own age with segments of their fingers cut off. They'll look like the closing cast of Flags of Our Fathers, fingers gone to the knuckle, to the palm. You'll see these stubby freaks and you'll remember. You'll remeber who said it first.
• Finger Cancer.

Happy Halloween from the daily kirk.

Comments

[anonemous]

did a search for finger cancer and came across your site. thank you so much for your service in warning the world of this impending danger. i often fancy myself the victim of finger cancer, but have encased my laptop in aluminum foil to prevent it. so far, so good.

[fu]

I was looking for real information on a real cancer. Thank you for your insensitivity and wasting my time.

[t]

What an asshole you are...my father got finger cancer, I would like to know if it may be in my future and you joke...well, consider yourself flipped off by my dad's now cancer free finger.

[Truly annoyed]

For fear of wanting to sound a total plonker like you, you need a good bout of skin cancer to make you sit up and realise how stupid this site actually is. Thanks for wasting my time, what's left of it.

[mechell]

while i don't get your approach the info was very useful about the laptops. About two years ago when I purchased this I begun to grow a hard mass on my left index finger. I am btw left handed. Today I went to the doctor to find out it is a tumor and has to be removed. I don't know until it is removed if it is cancerous and if it is what would two years of waiting and letting it grow have done. I thought he was joking at first. Less than 1% are cancerous, I thank you for all your research, I know it can be hard to find, but maybe you may sound a bit callous to some.

[ginny]

Hi I met a lady today who had a big bandage on her middle finger, I asked her if she hurt her self she said it was cancer growing into her nailbed, I have a weird nail on my thumb now I am worrying.

[steve]

you are a cock.

[tk]

well i'm worried coz i'm developing sores on my finger and it's been for a long time.i was told that i may be allergic to tomatoes and i've stopped eating them but still there's no progress,i'm afraid i might have cancer,what do you guys think?please help me...

[Katie]

What the hell, tk? Go to a freakin' doctor.

[lee]

u are a moran, freak,cancer is not somethng joke about u stupd ass

[confused]

umm excuse me now im really confused
im not sure if this site is real or not,
well if it is my friend is scared cos of her finger and if it isnt you are a freak and your rude and insensitive cancer is not something to joke about i have lost 3 family members and one ogf my Best friends mums has cancer and another friend lost her BEST friend to cancer it is not at all funny and i think its sick, if this is a joke take it off cos it is so rude and insensitive YOU ARE SICK AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO LOOSE SOMEONE TO CANCER THERE ARE ALOT OF PEOPLE WHO WILL TELL YOU but if this isnt a joke please make i a bit more sensitive and also can you tell me if it is cos i use laptops all the time

[Lisa Smith]

I have a sore on my little finger on my right hand and is becoming very painful by the day and getting bigger. I have been for xray but this has come back normal. can you tell if its cancer by xray or would you have to have a scan

[s moran]

get a biopsy

[JFord]

It's definitely no joke. A man in Baltimore, late 20's/early 30's, went in for surgery yesterday to remove parts of his fingers. At mid-night he was sleeping well, at 2am he died.
I had no idea it could happen, but it did. It is real!

[tdk]

I love this post still gets so much traffic. I am convinced finger cancer is going to become a real problem. If you got here and are really looking for answers you know that there is almost no good information on the internet about finger cancer. While I was half joking when i wrote this the concern is real so anyone who has information please post it here because there is a woeful lack of anywhere else to go.

[Coola boola]

Decided to loom this up after using iPhone for a wee while.

Twitter.com/coolaboola

[rit]

this woman from mexico have cancer in her hands and fingers too poor to have laptop so how did she get it dr's told there is no treatment for it only they can slow it

[s]

if you suck alot of cock you will get finger cancer,cock-suckers.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.